My Voice Within - A Justin Kan Diary



Saturday, January 01, 2005
Blog Move

New year needs new blog. I'm not writing my entries for 2005 on a journal which has been stained by the memories of 2004. Everyone deserves a fresh new start and so, I'm proud to say that I've moved to a brand new blog! To those who have been regularly visiting my blog, thanks for your patronage. I'll see you all again in the year 2005.


http://ju-ju.blogdrive.com

Posted at 07:00 am by justinkan
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Friday, December 31, 2004
Tombstone (Life only comes after death)

Here lies the final resting place of the one true love between Justin and Dar Dar.


 

20th January 2001 - 19th Sept 2004


 


 


 

"Love still thrives with or without you by my side. I love you dar dar."


Posted at 11:57 pm by justinkan
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My Last Song Dedication To Dar Dar

You're Still The One I Love by Shania Twain



When I first saw you, I saw love. And the first time you touched me, I felt love.
And after all this time, you're still the one I love.

Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday

They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong

(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night

Ain't nothin' better
We beat the odds together
I'm glad we didn't listen
Look at what we would be missin'

They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong

(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night

(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night



Although both of us will move on to meet new people and go into new relationships, you'll still be the one I love the most. I hope 10 years down the road, I can still say that after all those time, you're still the one I love. I'd love to kiss you good night again. Really, I would love to do just that...

Posted at 09:42 pm by justinkan
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Self Reflection

Since I was stuck in camp on an otherwise sombre New Year's Eve, I've decided to read through all my blog entries and do a little bit of self reflection. It wasn't easy walking down memory lane but I believe there are lessons to be drawn and experiences to be gained from the year 2004. Frankly speaking, 2004 wasn't a very good year for me. Towards the end, everything sort of spiralled into an abyss of depression and chaos. Of course, it didn't help that the tsunami occured just a day after Christmas. But through this disaster, I was able to understand that as pain and as hurtful the things that I've been through, it will never compare to the agony that the victims feel. Who am I to complain about life when I'm healthy and safe? It's events such as these that remind us to put things back into perspective.



Anyway, if you are interested, come with me and walk down memory lane. Let's laugh and cry, remembering the good and bad times of 2004....




In January, I decided to pluck out my wisdom tooth. And so I made a trip down to the dentist and after 3 whole hours sitting on the dentist's chair, the ordeal was finally over. However, it wasn't until months later that I realized that half of my wisdom tooth still remains embeded in my gums.


 

In February, we bid a teary farewell to
Jing who had to fly to Australia for her studies. Barely two days later, we had to bid farewell to yet another friend, and this time, that friend ain't coming back. 17th Feb 2004, Lim Hock Chai passed away much to the agony of many who knew him. I cried very badly on that day. It was the closest I've ever gotten to death and it scared me. Knowing that death is so powerful as to take the ones you love forever is frightful indeed.


 

In March, I called off my 3 years relationship with dar dar. I can't recall what exactly happened that made me consider that decision, but all I know was that after the break up, I was in a deep depression. I felt like I was waking up from a beautiful dream.... and although it was wiser to be awake, I couldn't help but hope I was dreaming again.


 

In April, I patched up with dar dar in hope that things can only get better afterwards. Also in April, a new Miss Singapore was crowned.
Miss Sandy Chua's crowning as Miss Singapore shocked many.


 

In May, yet another shocker took place which rocked the entertainment world. Vocal powerhouse
Latoya London was voted out from American Idol. She happened to be my favourite idol and her rendition of "Don't Rain On My Parade" simply blew me away. I also got to know many new friends. Friends like Kevin, Roy, Irvin, William and Kai, brought in much fun and laughter to my otherwise sedated life.


 

In June, I faced a night of torrent showers while lining up with a dream to be Singapore's first Idol. Unfortunately for me, I didn't even make it past the first audition. Since then, all singing activities have been confined to the comforts of a KTV room. Also in June,
Minister Teo Chee Hean announced that NS will be reduced by 6 months. The whole camp cheered when the news was confirmed. As for me, my NS was reduced by 4 months, allowing me to ORD in March instead. In June, I celebrated both my 20th birthday and Jon's 25th birthday. And on 29th June, Jon, Tommy, Peter and I flew to Bangkok and had a wonderful one week holiday exploring the exotic culture of Thailand. I came back with sweet memories and lotsa photos to look back at.


 

In July,
Jon finally graduated with honours from NUS. It was a proud moment for both him and me. I was glad that he finally got paid for all those hard work that he had put into his studies. In July, I was finally introduced to the wonderful world of Sex and the City. The many Carrie's quandaries filled my head and has continued to play guide when it comes to relationship problems. David finally came back from London for a short holiday here in Singapore. I was invited to watch "The Revenge of the Dim Sum Dollies" in which he performed as one of the "beefcakes". The show was very hilarious and it truly inspired me to stage a similar production one day.


 

In August, I went to WOMAD together with
Elvin and we danced the night away to the funky music from all around the world. Problems with me and dar were already stirring but I chose to ignore them. I chose to persevere on and hope for the better.


 

In September, I went back to Victoria School to revisit those familiar endearing faces. I managed to meet up with teachers like Mr Khoo Kay Yong, Miss Kong, Mrs De Souza, Mr Anuar and Miss Ng. Visiting Victoria brought back so much memories. In late September, I broke up with dar dar again due to communication problems amongst other problems we were facing. I was tired of quarelling with dar dar everytime we met. And so we broke up. I wanted us to cool down but dar dar obviously moved on. If I knew that this break up would have caused an eternal separation with me and dar dar, I'd have never even consider breaking up in the first place. And now, I shall live to regret this stupid choice I made.


 

In October,
David flew back to London. With sudden free time in my hands, I decided to pursue a dream which I've always wanted to fulfil. I started writing the script for a new short film which I was producing. Within weeks, we had our auditions, casted the actors, did our rehearsals and got all our logistics settled. It was my first time producing and directing a film, but my lack of experience and training never once stopped me from pushing on.


 

In November, we started filming and four days later, completed the entire filming process. It was a fun 4 days mingling with the actors. It was also the first time since my break up with dar dar that I had so much fun. In November, I found an old friend,
Sing, whom I had lost contact for 4 years. Sing had always been a sister figure to me and it was great meeting her again. The short film was finally submitted to the higher powers of Canon. And while at the end of the day, I didn't get into the finals, I was happy that at the very least, I accomplised something which I've always wanted to do. Also in November, I hired a personal gym trainer.


 

In December,
Taufik emerged the winner and became the first ever Singapore Idol. All of us were relieved because Sly didn't get it. Nanny nanny poo poo! I attended my first wake when I had to go pay my respects to Edric's dad. On the 18th of Dec, I held my first public screening of my short film, The Letter. It recieved commendable praises by those who attended. I was greatly encouraged by the positive response and I told myself to continue to strive harder to make better films.

I called up dar dar with the thought of salvaging our relationships, but I was stunned to hear that dar dar had moved on with another guy. The news devastated me. To think my one true love has forsaken me for somebody else. My belief in true love was shaken to the core. I was in depression for 2 weeks, often crying and acting very dazed. Christmas finally came and went. Got rather drunk during Christmas because Tray kept forcing glasses of vodka down my throat. I finally know how Elvin must have felt when he's in his drunken state.

I was introduced to MIP, a group of people dedicated to producing new musicals. Yes, I'm on a new project and it's going to be a musical which will hopefully debut in June 2005.

On the 23rd of December, I came to terms with the fact that I was never going to get back with dar dar. And though my love for dar dar will always remain, I realize that there's no point holding on to something that has already moved on. And so I decided to move on too. And now, I'm going out with someone else and hopefully, things will work out for the better.


 

Today is the 31st of December. In a couple of hours, we'd be facing a brand new day in the year 2005. And while it is merely just a transition of numbers, it's good to see it as a fresh new slate of life given to all of us. We should all cherish this and begin our year with a whole new thought process. Leave the baggages behind 2004 and move forward. It's going to be a lovely year if only we'd allow it. Till the next time I meet all of you, have yourself a happy new year.

Posted at 08:53 pm by justinkan
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Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Dramtic Yet Dynamic


Yipee! I got a brand new Nokia 7260 for Christmas! I've always wanted a camera phone....


Posted at 02:10 pm by justinkan
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Monday, December 27, 2004
Musical In Process!

Had a dinner cum musical discussion with Kenneth @ Sakae Sushi. It was a fulfilling discussion as we managed to come up with a nice enough plot for the musical that will (hopefully) debut in June 2005. Basically, the story is about how Joyce meets up with her ex, Jonathan one fine day. Now, Jonathan and Joyce had been together for 10 years now but they broke up a few months ago. The story really begins when Joyce realizes that Jonathan has a new girlfriend and that he's getting married with her in a week's time! All this despite having know the new girlfriend, Rain, for only a few months!


Bitter and jealous, Joyce decides to hatch evil plots with her two friends, Calvin and Eddie to sabotage the two love birds' wedding. And so begin their hilarious adventures to ruin the wedding, and they often end in devastating results. I'll not divulge more but I must say that this musical is greatly inspired by "My Best Friend's Wedding" and but of course, my very own personal experiences.


And with all these thoughts and ideas in my head, now comes the most difficult part - writing everything down into a proper script. I like to write my scripts the old fashion way which is on a piece of paper. May be tedious but it works for me. So the next time you see me scribbling busily on a book, don't disturb me. There's a genius at work... Hahaha!

Posted at 11:54 pm by justinkan
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Saturday, December 25, 2004
A Christmas Prayer

We tend to lose focus, especially when things have gone so horribly wrong around this time of Christmas. But as we go about the merry making and presents unwrapping, let us go back to the basics of Christmas. Let us be thankful that on this very day, a special baby was born to shine a light of hope in this dark depressing world. Without Him, salvation will never be obtained and we can never bridge the gap between us sinners and our Holy Father. So let us rejoice on this special day, not because it's a festive holiday for merry making. But let us rejoice today because we now know that Christ has bought us our eternal salvation and that we're no longer chained to our sins. Thank you Lord Jesus for your death on the cross. Your blood washes me clean and I'm once again comforted under your mighty wings. And even though I may feel alone this Christmas, I know You are with me. And with that thought, I'm strengthened in faith and in hope that one day, I'll see Your face again. Glory to you Lord Jesus, praise to Your name forever and ever. Amen.



Merry Christmas

Peace and joy to all men...


Posted at 12:00 am by justinkan
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Misunderstood by many,
I seek a clearance of acceptance.
Caught up in this whole illusion of dreams that passes by.
Take me far from this place I adore.
Let me suffer a beautiful disease.


   
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This is Justin's blog.
Website: www.uberture.com
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jus.kan@gmail.com


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Announcement(s):
  • I'm going to take a break from blogging. Hopefully when I do come back to blog, I'll be able to blog more happy stuff.

  • Side section last updated on 5th Dec 2004.


    I adopted a cute little mouse fetus from Fetusmart!
    I'm a proud dad! *sniff*


    Eventful Happenings:

    >> [19 Dec, Sun] Billy Bomber's with Lawrence, Kevin and Roy. It's been such a long time since I met up with them. Roy as usual was very concerned about my love life. And Lawrence was talking about how he became the bitchy wedding make up artiste from hell. Irvin and William joined us later. It's really great hanging out with them... But someone is missing.

    [27th Nov, Sat] Met up with Ah Law, Edric, Roy, Dex, Elvin and Liting. Was supposed to go KTV but everybody had their own plans. So ended up watching midnight movie Edric only. It's been awhile since I last clubbed with Tray, Irvin, William, Roy and Kevin. Must meet up with them soon. I do feel that I've been neglecting them...

    [2nd Nov, Tues] Filming officially wrapped up today. It was a memorable 4 days with the actors and production crews. Thanks guys for such fun filled memories! And now thanks to you as well, I'm suffering from withdrawl syndrome. The only thing left for me to do is to sit down with Dex and slowly edit the film. It's going to be a tedious task but I'm willed to produce a good film and hopefully through this film, something good will come out of it.

    > [24th Oct, Sun] Rehearsal with the actors. It was great getting to know them. And I know we're also one step closer to finishing the film. Can't wait to wrap this up... It's seriously eating into alot of my own personal time. Hopefully the film will be good enough to send for next year's Germany Film Fest.

    > [16th Oct, Sat] Went over to Dex's private party at the Gallery Hotel. I thought I'd end up getting drunk and then wake up naked beside some strangers the next morning. (My secret fantasy..hahaha! Kidding lah!) But ended up watching a re-telecast of Singapore Idol and ended up bitching and whining about my love life or rather, the lack of it. It was a very sobering night despite the smooth flow of Lychee Martinis. Still, I enjoyed myself thoroughly especially with that high octane Deborah around. Bwahaha... she's one hell of a fiesty girl!


    What's Up this Dec?

  • Christmas Time! (25th)

  • Screening of "The Letter" (11th)


    Must Watch Movie:
    Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
    Ratings: 3.5/5
    You will fall in love with Bridget all over again




    Currently Reading:
    Sex and the City: Kiss & Tell written by Amy Sohn




    Currently on Re-play:
    Alicia Keys - "If I Ain't Got You"




    Quote of the Week:
    "I just wanna tell you that my feelings for you will never change. I still love you."
    -- Anonymous


    Verse of the week:
    "I thought 'Age should speak; advanced years should teach wisdom.' But it is the spirit in a man, the breath of the Almighty, that gives him understanding." -- Job 32: 7-8


    Current Want(s):

  • Sony Cyber-shot DSC-T1 Digital Camera @ S$799


  • Apple Powerbook G4

  • London Trip



  • To see real snow and build a big snowman!!!






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